In this insane political environment in which we find ourselves after the horrible tragedy in Tucson last Saturday, we have renewed calls from various officials, pundits, journalists, and even lawmakers floating ludicrous proposals to ‘tone down the rhetoric,’ ‘tamp down the vitriol,’ and change the political climate; all by creating new laws and regulations regarding speech, certain words in general, and, yes, even symbols.

So I’ve taken the time to give them some example of this “vitriolic rhetoric” and how they’re used in our everyday conversations, so the new Speech Police will be able to more easily recognize these inflammatory terms and phrases when they’re encountered.

Yes, this list is ridiculously long, but the wailing and gnashing of teeth, sweating of brow, and fretting over such terms and phrases is just as ridiculous; not necessarily in length but in breadth of insanity.

So, here we go. These are the things that we may no longer be able to say, and phrases we may no longer be able to use (in print or orally) once the Speech Police have gotten their way.

We can no longer shoot the breeze, take a stab at trying something new, tell someone their perfume is killing you, poison the well of the moment, or tear into a bag of chips.

We cannot call people hostage takers, shoot from the hip, address a target audience, shoot down ideas, fire off a nasty email, eviscerate the competition, do battle with an opponent, or war-game a business plan. You cannot tell an actor to break a leg, we can’t combat an illness, assault someone’s character, grapple with the facts, verbally joust with a co-worker, make a show of force with your team, whip someone into shape (or a frenzy), go for someone’s jugular, say someone mutilated the English language, and whatever you do, don’t tell anyone you successfully executed a plan.